BY RYAN MOORE

Lost Weekend

BY TAHI MOORE

GIN AND TONIC
Gin won't freeze if it's below 40 per cent alcohol or something like that. Having gotten some strong gin, usually from duty free where it's stronger, leave it in the freezer for a long time. 1/3 gin some lime juice from a lime 2/3 tonic. You have to drink it before the gin thaws out from its freezer visousity.

2 WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT
This I think is the law of gin, which can be awful, along with something else, which can be awful, which comes out good.



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No Pictures

BY SIMON DENNY

We had to give the car a bit of a clean as we had to give it back the next morning. We had a rather dodgy map but knew we were in the right area. There were no signs and after about an hour we were about to give up when Jon spotted it. It was dark by now but we managed to get a picture of it. After cooking up some food in the van we then went to the minus 5 degrees bar. We have a similar one in London. We were given big jackets and gloves. The bar is made all of ice, including the glasses. There were some really good sculptures in there but they would not let us take poictures. The novelty of being cold soon wore off and we went to another bar. There was a big casino in the centre of town. We had used their parking so we had to go inside (convenient for Jon) whilst Jon enjoyed the roulette I enjoyed the free hot drinks. We then had to find somewhere to stay for our final night in the van. It was late and quite a built up city so we settled on a relatively quiet road. I will miss our little moon roof we had, at night you can open it up and see lots of stars. I will not miss waking up and having to drive to the nearest toilet in order to pee though! The next morning we did just that and stayed parked up in order to get our stuff packed up. Jon noticed a hole in one of the mens cubicles (think Shameless, if you have ever seen that episode) and we noticed in the hour we were there that way too many men were using the cubicles. Bit much for a Saturday morning but we were sure we had stumbled accross a little hunting ground for Auckland's gay men.

We were running late for dropping off the van so we knew we would have to pay a $10 penalty which wasn´t much. Now, with this company you had to bring the van back clean. We could not find a car wash but had noticed brushes to clean windows and buckets at most stations. So, in true backpacker style we washed the whole van down with the window brush and rinsed it with a watering can. The man in the garage must have thought we were nuts and was giving us a confused look. When we went to take the van back half an hour late we found the office was closed. I called them and we were meant to take it to their office near the airport but no-one had told us, this meant we didn´t get charged for being late. So we drove there and I managed to pursuade a cab driver dropping someone off to take us to the airport cheaply. We were not due at the airport for another 3 hours but as we were close there was no point going back to the city. With 3 hours to kill before check-in we got a free shower and caught up on our diary.

Once checked in our flight was delayed by 2 hours which meant another 5 hours waiting around. They gave us a voucher which we spent in the bar, well what else is there to do in an airport. I felt rather merry when we finally got on the plane!



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The Trough

BY ASH KILMARTIN

University - a term which conjures images of quiet leafy avenues, tweed blazers with leather elbow-patches, and dusty shelves of well-thumbed copies of the great works of world literature. The reality, as many of us know, is a far cry from such picturesque notions of Academia. Nothing has proved this to me more, than my experience at the Trough.

The Trough, known properly as the General Staff Morning Tea, is the stuff of snacking legend. Now, every school and every department within the University have some form of Christmas party (or, should I say, 'end-of-year party' - on that note, has anyone else noticed the non-denominational nature of the festive decorations on Queen St?). But The Trough is the mother of all paid-for spreads. Being a young Library Assistant - just a juniorburger - the walk from Fort Fine Arts down to Old Government House for my first Trough was one of high anticipation. I'd been told about the jabbing elbows, the viscious use of sensible shoes, and the napkins-full of booty being ferried back to offices. And I was not disappointed.

From across the rose garden, I could hear the din coming from the usually genteel, hallowed halls of the OGH common rooms. The slurps of tea from polystyrene cups, the satisfied laughter of successful hunters and gatherers, and the occasional gasps when a fresh platter of those prized asparagus rolls arrived at table.

The Dining Hall, to the left of the foyer, held the biggest spread. Three tables of various platters, plus juice and a tea table. The Common Room, to the right, held only one large banquet table and (the result of ill-timed speeches, and the presence of the VC) fewer hungry public servants. However, both rooms were packed, as was the patio outside. Attendees were staff of all descriptions. Academic staff, library slaves, admin bullies and those jovial property services gents. Some looked as though this was their one big outing of the year; others appeared to have "eyes bigger than their stomachs", as my Dad would say. The strangest aspect was that, despite the massive and enthusiastic turnout, I only spotted three people I have met before. Sure, it's a big institution, but having studied across departments and visited every building on the campus in my recent quest to photograph the University's art collection, I expected to recognise a few more faces. Alas, only Doug (who delivers our Interloans crates), Kelly (from behind the desk at NICAI reception), and the Russian lady from the School of European Languages and Literature, who had given me the master key for all the rooms in her deparment (only one painting spotted).

But - to the important part: the food. After all, that's what everyone was there for.

Asparagus rolls (x3)
Fair. Both white and wheatmeal bread, no sign of butter/margarine. Not too dry, in fact, a little soggy. Asparagus of tinned variety, should have been better drained.

Chicken tortilla rolls (x2)
Fair. Very dry and quite salty with small amout of shaved roast chook. However, a good balance to the sweet snacks.

Chocolate almond tarts (x1)
Good. Probably the most sophisticated snack available. Chocolate, cakey outer with almond filling and slivers of almond atop. Perfect size, about the same at base as a 50c coin. Dee-lish.

Christmas mince pies (x1)
Couldn't fit any in whilst on site, but reports were good. Disappointed when tried leter in the day, faint taste of vomit(!). Would not trade again.

Club snadwiches (x3)
Fair. All white bread, with thin fillings. No good egg versions, disappointing. Again, good savoury balance for all the sweets, and the shadows of tomatoes constituted my "5 plus a day".

Cinnamon Brioche
Did not try. Too sickly-looking and big enough to prevent hoarding other snacks.

Cupcakes (4 varieties: mauve-iced, mint-iced, white-iced, double chocolate) (x1)
Again, had to take off-site. Chose the white iced (passionfruit), badly disappointed. Too dense and cakey, icing not tangy enough (more lemon icing, please. On everything).

Custard tarts (x1)
Good. Classic sweet tart, with star-shaped squeeze of bright yellow faux-custard and chocolate-lined pastry base. Substantial slices of strawberry (x4) and the obligatry gelatinous glaze.

Orange juice (x1)
Arano, from bottle. Good tartness and perfect pulp:liquid ratio.

Sausage Rolls (x5)
Good. Optimum temperature - warm, but not burney-hot at sausage centre. Tomato sauce was provided, but these rolls needed no additives. Would trade again.

Savoury muffins (2 varieties)
Did not try. Looked dry and gross.

Tea
Make-you-own, Twinings English Breakfast. But who has time to brew when there are asparagus rolls to be stock-piled?

All under the watch of Goldie's potrait of some-academic/politician-or-other, so began my weekend of snacks. After this, an exhibition opening and a sock hop provided all necessary snack-action, then a day's rest before the next Christmas do: this time with architects and much Belgian beer. My congratulations to the organiser of the sock hop, whose asparagus rolls topped the Trough's, and deserve a full review themselves.



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Weathering Christmas on the way to Waiheke

BY MARCUS STICKLEY

"Return ticket on the 11 o'clock sailing to Waiheke, please,'' I said, trying to sound bright and awake despite feeling about as grey as the brooding clouds over Hauraki Gulf that were waiting to rain.

I handed over $30 cash I got $1.50 back.

The square of paper I was giving in exchange was clipped as I stepped onto the gangway to the half-full Fullers ferry at the terminal in Auckland City.

Even with the wind up, and rain threatening, I was going to sit outside on the top deck. I needed plenty of fresh air and room to move should the need to heave over the side win the mind-over-matter battle raging in my body.

Sea sickness had never been a problem for me. Even in my worst Cook Strait crossing, where glasses were smashed at the bar and every other person had their colour-drained face in a bag, I hadn't been fazed. I even enjoyed it.

But the night before had gotten heavy. At a music industry Christmas party free drinks were flowing and there were old friends and friends I'd forgot I had to catch up with.

While I was feeling the after effects of all the cheer, I boarded with a group of corporate who were just warming up for a day I suspected they would indulging the Christmas spirit at the Island's wineries. On their excursion a spikey, silver-haired Santa was wearing a sports coat and jeans with his big red sack.

Sitting in an uncovered section of the top deck with me were a group of women made-up with bug-eyed sunglasses who moved for shelter from the blustery wind soon after we pulled away from dock.

I stayed on with a few other blokes and tucked my baseball cap into my backpack to avoid it being whipped away.

Also on the top deck was a cameraman who on our stop at Devonport was joined by a soundman carrying a mic and boom. On the way to the island they shot a passing ferry and some panoramic views.

By the time the boat past Rangitoto my head was starting to clear. The sky was not. It was unsettled, like my stomach. Those scrambled eggs I had for breakfast were in need of some reinforcement.

Two women and a male companion sat in the seats immediately around me, sauvignon blanc's in hand, having just been down to the little onboard cafe/bar. One said she's spilled her glass three times already and struggled to light a cigarette as she crouching for cover behind a row of seats.

Just as get up to find out if there is a steak pie at the cafe counter the ferry's engines drop a gear – we were at the island only 35 minutes later.

Even on a bad day the sailing seemed smooth, spilled wine and self-inflicted pain aside.


Marcus Stickley moved from Auckland three years ago and sometimes misses it, especially the rock'n'roll. He now lives in the South Island.



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Video Stores

BY DOMINIC HOEY

Even though it’s now possible to download movies before they’re in theaters, a part of me still enjoys wandering aimlessly though video stores. Perhaps it’s the ability to hold something tangible, or the off chance that I’ll stumble across a good movie I haven’t seen. Unfortunately most video shops are to films what airport bookstores are to literature. With this in mind, I’ve put together a short list of stores in order from best to worse, so you never have to watch another Adam Sandler film because there was nothing else to get.

Video Ezy Ponsonby is a rare exception to this chain stores rule of thumb. Most Video Ezy’s are about as likely to have the Herzog film you’re after as Mc Donald’s is to serve you vegan burgers. Not only does this store boast an impressive collection of classic films, it’s also open 24 hours, which is important if like me, you choose to indulge your love of both drinking and films at once. It’s worth checking out the recently released section, which has a few gems among the TV series and National Geographic documentaries. As one staff member recently pointed out to me, its not that they only get good films, they just get everything. Speaking of the staff, the usually intoxacted employees never seem to mind my inane questions like,”what’s that film with the trucks in it”?

Videon is the antithesis of a chain store, no five for ten dollar speacils or prison blue uniforms here. This store located on Dominion rd, has probably the best selection in Auckland if not the country. Unfortunately many of these films are only available on video, which means you’re reduced to watching your movie of choice in snow storm vision. A friend of mine recently let me use his membership card at Video Ezy, warning me it had some fines on it. It turned out the account had 150 dollars owing, but after handing over $2, I was able to get out Worlds Ten Worse Plane Crashes without any trouble. That shit won't slide at Videon. You’ll be charged the cost of hiring the film everyday its late and won't be able to rent a new one to the debts are paid off. The staff are bristling with so much nineties attitude its like walking into a Kevin Smith film.

Civic Video in Surrey crescent is pretty unremarkable. I just put it in here so I could have four stores to review. It’s got an okay selection especially if you own a video player. It closes early, but isn’t too anal about late fees. It’s kinda like the quiet middle child of video stores in between the popular older sibling and the Down Syndrome half-brother.

Which bring us to Blockbuster New Lynn. I know expecting a Blockbuster to have a quality movie selection is an act of futility bordering on madness, but it’s the closet video store to my girl’s house. Instead what you get is row after row of romantic comedies and straight to DVD sequels of shit films. I once spent over an hour there, in a stoned daze only to leave with The Hills Have Eyes 2 and the distinct feeling I’m wasting my life. To be fair there are probably much worse video stores, but since I’m unlikely to be renting films in Bulls anytime soon, it can serve as the bottom of the barrel.



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